communication Archives - The Cracked Door

Where Are You From: Navigating How I Answer While Traveling the World

While traveling the world, one of my most dreaded questions, I get asked the most frequently:

“Where are you from?”

Where am I from? That’s hard to answer. I have lived in many cities: do I tell them that I was in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania? Should I provide them with my legal residence? I spent the last five years living in New York City. What about there? Should I just say I am from the United States?

I grew up in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, but internationally, your average person does not know where that is. I lived in Brooklyn for the last five years, so my most common answer is to say, “New York City.”

Oh New York, it’s the city that no matter where I am in the world, everyone has heard of, and some people I meet tell me they have visited. Everyone has an opinion about New York City, even in some of the most remote places in the world. They may view it as a spectacular land of opportunity they really want to go to (or have already visited) or as a dirty, crime-ridden hell hole, or anywhere in between this extreme, but they have heard of it.

Thus, saying I am from New York makes me familiar to them, whether they have positive or negative associations with that place. I find that it is easier to start there, rather than desperately try to explain verbally to someone where Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania fits on a map of the United States. Most often when I say I am from New York City, people’s eyes will light up; that’s a place they have wondered about from all the TV shows, movies, etc. about the city.

Most often when I say I am from New York City, people’s eyes will light up; that’s a place they have wondered about from all the TV shows, movies, etc. about the city. I can use that energy to learn about how they view the city, the United States, and the world overall.

I prefer saying that I am from New York City than that I am from the United States. The latter also puts the emphasis on the country as a whole, changing the conversation. I find people have different associations with the United States overall than New York City specifically. Sometimes even people don’t know that New York City is in the United States, but that is rare.

Both have had distinct brandings overtime. I find most people who know that New York is in the United States still don’t have the same associations when they hear “New York City” and the “United States.” And to be honest, in my current relationship with the United States and its history, I find the associations with New York City to be more interesting, preferring both to discuss that.

So, there you have it. That is how I currently answer the most complicated everyday question I get: “Where are you from?”

Rethinking Presentations: Why You Should Stop Treating Presentations like Lectures

During my years of teaching teenagers, I have learned an important principle about trying to teach or otherwise foster knowledge in the world:

When teaching, those doing most of the mental work during your lesson are the ones doing most of the learning.

By this principle, if you want to teach something, then it is best to put them, not you, in the driver’s seat. To do so, position them to do most of the mental work during your lesson.

For example, take a classroom setting. In a lecture, the teacher does the most work: talking and thinking about how to explain things. Students are left with the mostly passive activity of listening (sometimes with some mild active activities like taking notes). ‘

Thus, lectures are designed to teach teachers, not the students, which is exactly backwards from what is supposed to do. I remember hearing this from many presenters: the act of preparing and then giving a presentation teaches them so much about the topic than anyone from their audience will ever be able to glean from it. This is because they are the ones doing most of the mental work.

This is similar in a workplace environment: presentations are one of the worst approaches to teach anything. If you want someone to learn or reflect on something you yourself have learned, it might be helpful to pause to reflect:

How did I learn this material, and how can I replicate that process during the time I have?

What kind of environment or activities would work to have my participants explore the activity on their own? How can I produce that kind of environment?

These would likely give you ideas for how to make interactive lessons where your participants, not you, are doing most of the active thinking.

In regular conversations, the principle applies the same. If you are talking with someone about a life problem, have them do most of the talking or other forms of thinking. In my experience, too many people interject and go into a type of lecture mode when they sense they have something to teach someone.

Not only do you not always have something to “teach” when only hearing a few short sentences about someone’s life, but more importantly, even if you do have something to teach, asking questions to get them to think it through themselves is almost always a better way to teach that thing. As you ask questions and hear them out, you can get them to come to your suggestion on their own terms.

How Do You Come Across in Other Cultures?

As I was walking through the Changdeokgung Palace in Seoul, South Korea, I overheard a very interesting conversation.

A Chinese tourist and a Dutch tourist were walking in front of me talking (in English). The Chinese tourist was explaining the different types of tourists he sees from around the world:

“Koreans, they are often silent. They may not say much the whole conversation, unless they have something very important to say. For example, they may say one thing in the conversation: something you should do. They’ll phrase it like a suggestion, ‘You might want to consider doing this.’ Absolutely do it. Don’t let that confuse you. It’s a complete necessity. That’s why they are bringing it up.

“Americans, on the other hand, never shut up. They will constantly ask you questions, like they are interrogating you. It’s their way to connect with you as a person and get to know you. They’re trying to be friendly, but it can take some time to get used to. They love long conversations where they ask you tons of questions about their life.”

When I heard this, I was trying not to laugh out loud because as an American it is so true for me: I love asking lots of questions as a way to get to know someone.

At the end of the day, this is only one person’s take on American vs Korean styles of interactions, but as an American, I found it helpful to hear the perspectives of US culture from others around the world. They shed new light on my styles of communicating that I often take for granted. We can become so used to our way of doing things that we can easily forget to see it for what it is: one way among many.

Thus, when you talk with others around the world, feel free to think about how they might see you, and if you are feeling particularly adventurous, you can even ask how you come across. It makes a fantastic edition to add to your long list of questions.

(If you find discussions of people’s experiences in other cultures around the world like this interesting, please let me know, and I will be sure to keep writing these.)