daily life Archives - The Cracked Door

A Tentative Defense of One-Side Advice Arguments

In two recent conversations with friends, each independently mentioned how they have come to value expository writing that maps out all the different sides of a complex issue and explains how various people or schools of thought have navigated the issue, letting the reader explore the various perspectives themselves and forming their own answer. This form of writing is important, but for whatever reason, when I write prose, I have been drawn to a certain type of opposite: presenting a specific side or angle as a persuasive piece in order to nudge the reader to consider that side. This essay is a tentative defense of such one-sided arguments.

Life is complex, and practical or everyday wisdom needs to include multiple, even contradictory, pieces of advice in order to successfully navigate this complexity. Books or other compilations of proverbs as a genre of literature handle this well. A proverb is a one-side suggestion for how to handle a particular situation, and many compilations of proverbs offer conflicting advice over the course of the work.

To a strict logician, this may at first glance seem like a contradiction, but in the complexities of life, two conflicting thoughts can be true in differing situations. For example, the early bird does get the worm, but the slow and steady also win the race. These popular proverbs in US society technically reflect opposite sentiments, but there are times in life when quick action is advantageous and times when slow pacing is more useful.

Everyday wisdom is best when it is well-rounded and can consider the potential values in all, including directly opposing, vantage points. This is where one-sided opinion pieces fit in. They, like a proverb, offer one side or vantage point about how to navigate this complex thing called life, and as such, have value in the tapestry of everyday wisdom.

Society and regular social discourse may favor certain angles or ideas and don’t give other advice or vantage points due consideration. Presenting these left out angles as one-sided pieces counters that tendency and gives this perspective its due. It too may not be the only answer, just like the mainstream angle isn’t, but by unabashedly preventing it in a one-sided way, one counteracts the tendency to ignore and forces people to give it its due.

There are times when encyclopedic maps of the entire landscape of an issue are useful, but such an “in the clouds” perspective does not always meet people where they are when figuring out how to navigate the complexities of everyday life where it occurs. For that, one often needs to trudge along on the ground and explore how each piece of advice is well-adapted to its specific circumstance to determine what lessons (if any) one will glean from it that day. Maybe that is why so many cultures synthesize their everyday wisdom into proverbs, since it precisely reflects what has worked to solve each of the problems of that day.

Reflection on Living in New York City for the Last 5 Years

I wrote this reflection during my last day in New York City:

Today is my last day in New York City. I have lived here in Brooklyn for five long years. New York has meant a lot to me. It has been my single favorite place to live out of all the places I have lived in. Here are some of the things that New York has meant to me or that I learned during my time here:

1) Many jobs, most frustrating: I worked many jobs while there. I developed my professional capacity as a data scientist there. I had many jobs I loved and many frustrations. Many annoying bosses and many great people to work with.

2) Many relationships: I went on a lot of dates during this time. I went from someone pretty inexperienced with dating to doing it all the time. Some were good relationships, but for whatever reason, most turned out to be okay or bad. Finding someone often felt nearly impossible in New York, especially through dating apps. It had the problems of too many options, leading to difficulties finding which ones were the best fit for you.

3) Many new societies, cultures, people: New York throws a lot at you, and I loved that. I loved seeing the many different parts of the world represented here. Visiting all the restaurants. Seeing all the museums Learning about different facets of history and society. I learned so much about the world here.

4) Pandemic and foot injury: About half my time here was during the pandemic, during a partial or complete lockdown, and during that time, I was further handicapped by a debilitating foot injury for about a year and a half to two of my five years here. That was awful.

5) Transitioning stages in life: I transitioned from young adulthood to the starting of middle-life here: I arrived in my late twenties and am leaving at 33. During my time here, I transitioned from my youthful energy to what may be the beginning of my middle adulthood. I noticed my energy level, preference for routine over adventure, and desire for things like alcohol changed pretty drastically over time.

6) Changing life priorities: I arrived here burnout from graduate school but still in love with learning. I was connected very much with academia and out there intellectual pursuits. During my time here, my passions transitioned towards a career focus, which then bottomed out, leaving me to whatever I will find passion in next.

Over these five years, my career and building my resume I think slowly became my driving force. I built a career in data science and juggled multiple passion projects (writing poetry, an animated sitcom, a blog, etc.) In contrast to previous stages in my life, I read less intellectual material, spent less time socializing with peers, and tended to focus on what would build my resume or on the “crux” or intricacies of getting my projects done. I think this was a necessary stage for me as it grew my skills and my capacity to get things done efficiently.

At the same time, I think my interests are changing, and I am slowly moving away from that during my next stage in that. In the last year, I started to realize how truly pointless all such career ventures ultimately were. I got shaken out of the trance and decided to move on, focusing on what makes me happy.

7) Fewer relationships: I made less close friends here than during previous places I have lived and felt less connected community-wise. Maybe that was partially because New York is a big city, maybe partially because the pandemic and my foot injury stifled some of this, but mostly I think it was because I was focusing on my career.

Despite the fact that my time in New York felt like back-to-back life crises and stress, living here was still a joy. I will always cherish my time here.

(For more about life in New York City, click here.)

4 Things that Surprised Me about Living in Brooklyn

I lived in Brooklyn for 5 years. Here are a few small things that continue to surprise me about this place:

1) How affordable some parts of Brooklyn are

New York City – Brooklyn in particular – has a reputation for being expensive, which is usually true, but I was surprised to discover some parts (like South Brooklyn) that are pretty cheap. Too often people only consider the popular or standard neighborhoods instead of finding a place that is a good fit for them. These neighborhoods, in my experience, are often more expensive, more crowded, and otherwise less enjoyable to live in.

My rent of $1,500 a month for a single bedroom was below the average for the country overall, and I have never seen cheaper groceries than in the stores around me. I averaged $219 per month on groceries. On top of that, I did not need a car, meaning no car payments, car insurance fees, gas expenses, or trips to the car mechanic.

Thus, Brooklyn has cost me about the same as or been cheaper than most other parts of the US I have lived in. The trick is to find the right part of the borough to live in.

2) Its ethnic quilt

Brooklyn is a hodgepodge of races and ethnicities. Each group is surprisingly concentrated into distinct neighborhoods (often based on historical waves of immigration) that transition suddenly. In a few blocks walk, you may pass through several very distinct ethnic enclaves with different feels. If you walk only a few yards, for example, you may shift from a predominantly Chinese or Yemeni neighborhood. More than say Manhattan, this gives the borough the feeling of a quilt with distinct feels in each section.

3) How helpful people are

New York City has a reputation for being stand-offish, but that has not been my experience here. People – in both Brooklyn and other parts of the city – may prefer quick interactions, but they are really helpful. You often have to get straight to the point rather than exchange long touchy-feely pleasantries and will keep the interaction short, but Brooklynites and New Yorkers, in general, will give the shirt off their backs if that is what you need.

4) How alive yet reclusive Brooklyn can be

I am the type of person who needs stimulation, yet I feared that living in Brooklyn, the constant churn of traffic and people would slowly drive me insane. Maybe some parts of the borough have this issue, but I was surprised by how quiet it can feel. I can have activity when that is what I want or I can retreat into my quiet apartment when I need to relax. It’s been a great balance of adventure and tranquility.

(For more a fuller personal reflection on what my time living in New York City meant for me, click here.)