new york city Archives - The Cracked Door

Where Are You From: Navigating How I Answer While Traveling the World

While traveling the world, one of my most dreaded questions, I get asked the most frequently:

“Where are you from?”

Where am I from? That’s hard to answer. I have lived in many cities: do I tell them that I was in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania? Should I provide them with my legal residence? I spent the last five years living in New York City. What about there? Should I just say I am from the United States?

I grew up in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, but internationally, your average person does not know where that is. I lived in Brooklyn for the last five years, so my most common answer is to say, “New York City.”

Oh New York, it’s the city that no matter where I am in the world, everyone has heard of, and some people I meet tell me they have visited. Everyone has an opinion about New York City, even in some of the most remote places in the world. They may view it as a spectacular land of opportunity they really want to go to (or have already visited) or as a dirty, crime-ridden hell hole, or anywhere in between this extreme, but they have heard of it.

Thus, saying I am from New York makes me familiar to them, whether they have positive or negative associations with that place. I find that it is easier to start there, rather than desperately try to explain verbally to someone where Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania fits on a map of the United States. Most often when I say I am from New York City, people’s eyes will light up; that’s a place they have wondered about from all the TV shows, movies, etc. about the city.

Most often when I say I am from New York City, people’s eyes will light up; that’s a place they have wondered about from all the TV shows, movies, etc. about the city. I can use that energy to learn about how they view the city, the United States, and the world overall.

I prefer saying that I am from New York City than that I am from the United States. The latter also puts the emphasis on the country as a whole, changing the conversation. I find people have different associations with the United States overall than New York City specifically. Sometimes even people don’t know that New York City is in the United States, but that is rare.

Both have had distinct brandings overtime. I find most people who know that New York is in the United States still don’t have the same associations when they hear “New York City” and the “United States.” And to be honest, in my current relationship with the United States and its history, I find the associations with New York City to be more interesting, preferring both to discuss that.

So, there you have it. That is how I currently answer the most complicated everyday question I get: “Where are you from?”

Reflection on Living in New York City for the Last 5 Years

I wrote this reflection during my last day in New York City:

Today is my last day in New York City. I have lived here in Brooklyn for five long years. New York has meant a lot to me. It has been my single favorite place to live out of all the places I have lived in. Here are some of the things that New York has meant to me or that I learned during my time here:

1) Many jobs, most frustrating: I worked many jobs while there. I developed my professional capacity as a data scientist there. I had many jobs I loved and many frustrations. Many annoying bosses and many great people to work with.

2) Many relationships: I went on a lot of dates during this time. I went from someone pretty inexperienced with dating to doing it all the time. Some were good relationships, but for whatever reason, most turned out to be okay or bad. Finding someone often felt nearly impossible in New York, especially through dating apps. It had the problems of too many options, leading to difficulties finding which ones were the best fit for you.

3) Many new societies, cultures, people: New York throws a lot at you, and I loved that. I loved seeing the many different parts of the world represented here. Visiting all the restaurants. Seeing all the museums Learning about different facets of history and society. I learned so much about the world here.

4) Pandemic and foot injury: About half my time here was during the pandemic, during a partial or complete lockdown, and during that time, I was further handicapped by a debilitating foot injury for about a year and a half to two of my five years here. That was awful.

5) Transitioning stages in life: I transitioned from young adulthood to the starting of middle-life here: I arrived in my late twenties and am leaving at 33. During my time here, I transitioned from my youthful energy to what may be the beginning of my middle adulthood. I noticed my energy level, preference for routine over adventure, and desire for things like alcohol changed pretty drastically over time.

6) Changing life priorities: I arrived here burnout from graduate school but still in love with learning. I was connected very much with academia and out there intellectual pursuits. During my time here, my passions transitioned towards a career focus, which then bottomed out, leaving me to whatever I will find passion in next.

Over these five years, my career and building my resume I think slowly became my driving force. I built a career in data science and juggled multiple passion projects (writing poetry, an animated sitcom, a blog, etc.) In contrast to previous stages in my life, I read less intellectual material, spent less time socializing with peers, and tended to focus on what would build my resume or on the “crux” or intricacies of getting my projects done. I think this was a necessary stage for me as it grew my skills and my capacity to get things done efficiently.

At the same time, I think my interests are changing, and I am slowly moving away from that during my next stage in that. In the last year, I started to realize how truly pointless all such career ventures ultimately were. I got shaken out of the trance and decided to move on, focusing on what makes me happy.

7) Fewer relationships: I made less close friends here than during previous places I have lived and felt less connected community-wise. Maybe that was partially because New York is a big city, maybe partially because the pandemic and my foot injury stifled some of this, but mostly I think it was because I was focusing on my career.

Despite the fact that my time in New York felt like back-to-back life crises and stress, living here was still a joy. I will always cherish my time here.

(For more about life in New York City, click here.)

4 Things that Surprised Me about Living in Brooklyn

I lived in Brooklyn for 5 years. Here are a few small things that continue to surprise me about this place:

1) How affordable some parts of Brooklyn are

New York City – Brooklyn in particular – has a reputation for being expensive, which is usually true, but I was surprised to discover some parts (like South Brooklyn) that are pretty cheap. Too often people only consider the popular or standard neighborhoods instead of finding a place that is a good fit for them. These neighborhoods, in my experience, are often more expensive, more crowded, and otherwise less enjoyable to live in.

My rent of $1,500 a month for a single bedroom was below the average for the country overall, and I have never seen cheaper groceries than in the stores around me. I averaged $219 per month on groceries. On top of that, I did not need a car, meaning no car payments, car insurance fees, gas expenses, or trips to the car mechanic.

Thus, Brooklyn has cost me about the same as or been cheaper than most other parts of the US I have lived in. The trick is to find the right part of the borough to live in.

2) Its ethnic quilt

Brooklyn is a hodgepodge of races and ethnicities. Each group is surprisingly concentrated into distinct neighborhoods (often based on historical waves of immigration) that transition suddenly. In a few blocks walk, you may pass through several very distinct ethnic enclaves with different feels. If you walk only a few yards, for example, you may shift from a predominantly Chinese or Yemeni neighborhood. More than say Manhattan, this gives the borough the feeling of a quilt with distinct feels in each section.

3) How helpful people are

New York City has a reputation for being stand-offish, but that has not been my experience here. People – in both Brooklyn and other parts of the city – may prefer quick interactions, but they are really helpful. You often have to get straight to the point rather than exchange long touchy-feely pleasantries and will keep the interaction short, but Brooklynites and New Yorkers, in general, will give the shirt off their backs if that is what you need.

4) How alive yet reclusive Brooklyn can be

I am the type of person who needs stimulation, yet I feared that living in Brooklyn, the constant churn of traffic and people would slowly drive me insane. Maybe some parts of the borough have this issue, but I was surprised by how quiet it can feel. I can have activity when that is what I want or I can retreat into my quiet apartment when I need to relax. It’s been a great balance of adventure and tranquility.

(For more a fuller personal reflection on what my time living in New York City meant for me, click here.)