ethnodat, Author at The Cracked Door

Life at the Top of the Mountain

“Uh-oh, I see another mountain to climb, / But I got stamina”
“The Greatest” by Sia

Hollywood often gives its movies satisfactory endings: the villain has been defeated, the world saved, the couple forever in love. But real life rarely works that way. Even after your biggest triumphs in life, there is always a next day when you must go about your regular life again. And then a day after that. And a day after that. Life keeps going (until death), just a continuation of days to get through.

Our successes may be fantastic at first, but they get absorbed into this continuing cycle of existence. I have spoken with people who think, “If only I would become incredibly wealthy or famous, I would coast for the rest of my life,” as they hustle to make their dreams come true. They try to climb the mountain that they have set before themselves, and some never make it to the top.

Among those who manage to achieve earth-shattering success, though, you might expect them to coast and live out their dream life, but many in that position successful people keep going for more. Some become used to a more extravagant lifestyle and feel they must climb even further to pay for their increasing expenses; others just seem addicted to the thrill of the climb. Whenever they get to the top of the first mountain, all they see is another even higher mountain behind it. True success, true peace must lie behind at the top of that mountain.

The writer of Ecclesiastes in the Bible has a different take on success. This is my personal paraphrased summary of what he said:

“I have had all the types of ‘successes’ in life you could ever think of – money, wealth, fame, power, learning, many wives [a common form of success in his culture for men in particular]. You name it; I’ve had it. I have stood on top of the world; I’ve actually stood on top of many worlds. And what of it? Did these things make me happy at the time? Certainly, but that fades over time, and I must go back to the endless quest of living finding satisfaction each new day.”

I can relate: I have had great accomplishments in life that I am proud of, but what of it? When you finish one mountain, there’s always another mountain to climb. Satisfaction must not come from being at the top.

I see many people still struggling to climb their mountains, that is, to reach their highest goals in life. Many never get to become what they always hoped and dreamed. They can spend their whole lives climbing their mountain. They can live in ignorance of what it is like to actually make it to the top. It’s often at the top that the harsh winds of the universe hit you the most, and you must make sense of how you will find meaning in it.

Whether you are in the throes of climbing your mountain or at the top or even about to start your climb, reflecting on what would give you lasting satisfaction in life and why is helpful. What would you do if you obtained your biggest dreams in life, and where would you go from there? And what would be enough that you would be content that you lived a life worth living? You may not be the same person after the climb as before, but by thinking about it now, you can cultivate the introspection to assess what you truly want in life and the strategic thinking to chart how to get there.

Listening to Your Inner 5-Year Old

Too many adults think that being a healthy, functioning adult requires suppressing their inner child. Our inner child is trying to find a state in which our needs are met, and we should be attune to the child within us and learn from him or her.

This is particularly important when your inner child is throwing a tantrum. Instead of just saying, “No, these feelings are bad; I need to move on from them,” pausing and determining why our inner child is upset may be more beneficial. What need does he or she feel is not being met? Learning about that needs tells you something about yourself and how you are relating to the world around you.

As an adult, you have more tools to decide the best way to meet that need. Needs are very rarely invalid, though, so usually there is a grain of truth to what your inner child is screaming.

Maybe there is a more productive way to meet your needs. To meet their need for attention, little children, for example, may scream and shout in a tantrum, but your adult self may know better, more productive ways to develop relationships that meet one’s need for attention and love. At the same time, as an adult, you can better understand and evaluate why you have a need for attention in the first place: what may be lurking underneath that in your psyche like a loved one you felt betrayed you or whose affections were insincere. From that, you can find a way to work on the root cause at the source.

Little children usually have not developed the ability to do any of this work, but your adult self has more tools to analyze the situation and come out with an appropriate, life-affirming strategy for how to meet your needs. Your adult self also has more tools to advocate for your needs in the world, whether that be constructive conversations with those around you about how you feel or moving into environments that might better meet your needs.

Like a canary in the coal mine, though, your inner child will tell you quickly and persistently that you seem to have an unmet need, often before your adult self realizes it. The two can work together then. Your child to alert you to your unmet needs, and your adult self to diagnose why and come up with an effective way to meet them.

Spiritual Anxiety and Spiritual Depression

I know some people who have given up on life. They became perplexed at why they should keep doing things when they feel that none of their actions matter in the ultimate sense.

I have also seen other people who go about their day intensely completing tasks as if their life depended on every little small thing on their to-do list. For example, some get caught in their job – in the daily grind of making their presentation or report at work really pop.

The energies of these two people seem like polar opposites – one skeptical, slow, and maybe even despondent, and the other frantic and frenetic. But both types of responses seem to emulate from a similar source: not taking the time to find satisfying meaning in their lives (or find a new source if their previous source of meaning has since broken down).

They are responding in opposite ways to this underlying problem. The first person is exhibiting what I call a depressed spiritual response (not to be confused with emotional depression, though they may be experiencing that too). Overwhelmed by this meaninglessness, they feel like nothing matters.

The second person is trying to satiate their need for meaning by doing more and more. As if that would satisfy them, or at least prevent them having to face their own existential angst.

I call this the anxious spiritual response: the attempt to do more, often trivial things in order to satisfy or avoid finding deeper meaning in life. This is not the same as psychological or emotional anxiety, as it relates more to one’s ability (or inability) to find meaning for one’s life rather than one’s momentary mood or emotional state.

Neither solution is ultimately satisfying, and just like psychological anxiety and depression often occur at the same time, spiritual anxiety and spiritual depression tend to coexist. Despite being opposites, one person may go between them in cycles: building superficial meaning they anxiously hold onto it, only to fall into purposeless depression when it fails. This can become a cycle, where the person consistently rushes towards another vapid way to ground meaning only for what they created to fall apart.

Having either can be a sign that you need to pause and do the work to determine how to effectively build meaning into your life.