southeast asia Archives - The Cracked Door

Fleeing the Arena: Why One Ukrainian Chose Exile Over War

I have not been able to write for a while because of my internet connection, but I am back now. Today, I am going straight into it with a Life Snippet of a Ukrainian man I spoke with in Thailand.

He gave me a totally different perspective on Ukrainian society since the war. I do not have enough knowledge of Ukrainian society (as well as Russian and other relevant nearby societies) to determine whether I agree or disagree with his take, but I found his perspective interesting because it forced me to wrestle with my underlying assumptions of the place based on the Pro-Ukrainian media common in the US. Friends I have shown early drafts of this to from places that tend towards a Pro-Russian bias told me it caused them to question their own assumptions as well, leaving them unsettled in a way that forced them to grow.

At the very least, he raises serious questions about the usefulness of suffering, war, and violence. I hope his story also helps you work through your own perspective in a unique way. (For a second perspective on the war in Ukraine, see this interview I did with an Ukrainian couple while visiting Borneo, Malaysia.)

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The man is a young adult from Kiev, but he fled Ukraine and is now traveling the world. He illegally crossed the border into Romania (paying $12,000 to be smuggled across by a group that offers this service for many Ukrainians, especially Ukrainian men who do not want to be forcibly conscripted to fight).

He left Ukraine because he got sick of the corruption. He said corruption has been widespread in Ukraine for decades, and even though the current war with Russia distracted people from it, it’s still rampant. He thinks Zelensky is a corrupt and bad leader.

He also was concerned about forced conscriptions, telling stories of government vehicles driving around the city looking for young men to grab and enlist on the spot. He said there are two types of Ukrainians: patriotic zealots who stay in Ukraine to fight and those who flee because they are sick of the place. Most of the latter settle in different parts of Europe where they work, especially as construction workers.

He works as a product manager for an online gambling company, something that allows him to work remotely, so he has been able to travel the world. He dislikes working for a gambling company and does not like the work of a product manager, but it gives him an income and the flexibility to work wherever. Ultimately, he wants to make video games as a designer and animator.

He has been traveling throughout Southeast Asia, spending several months in Indonesia and Vietnam. Now, he is in Thailand for three months where I met him. (The other Ukrainian couple I interviewed also worked in tech and were traveling throughout Southeast Asia. In contrast to the Ukrainian immigrants who work in construction or other blue collar fields in Europe, their education and expertise in tech seems to give them more flexibility in where they work and more disposable income to travel.)

He plans to go back to Europe for a little bit and then travel to Japan where he hopes he can apply for some kind of asylum or refugee status to allow him to live there permanently. He thinks Japan is unlikely to grant it to him, but he will try anyways. His Japanese is at JLPT N4, enough for basic conversations, and he needs to improve it to be successful.

He doesn’t like European cultures, preferring East Asian cultures. He finds them more spiritual, deep, and profound, especially places rooted in Buddhism and the idea of karma. To him, the faith instills a positive spirituality leading to joy and wellbeing. He sees Europe as more secular and superficial.

For him, Russian and Ukrainian cultures are secular just like European cultures, but the romanticization of suffering lies at the foundation of the form of Christianity there. Since the war, Ukraine has become an arena for people interested in glorifying suffering. He thinks this leads to a type of spiritual degeneracy that he strongly disagrees with.

For him, Russia, Ukraine, and also Belarus are fundamentally similar cultures. If Ukraine hadn’t decided to Europeanize, it would have ended up like Belarus, and he considers all three countries to be awful. Each is built on decades of conflict and misery. He also does not think there will be an actual winner of this war. If one side does manage to win, the powerful countries in the world will create an excuse for a new conflict anyways.

Ukraine for him has become a kind of masochistic society, reveling in the suffering of war and glory of defending freedom. Through this, those who romanticize suffering can endlessly live it out. I sense that he looks to Buddhism and Buddhist countries in Asia as a potential alternative that he sees as embracing peace and love instead of suffering and its resulting violence.

Because of all this, there is nothing left for him in Ukraine.

The $2,000 Exile (A Life Snippet)

Photo Credit: abdullah ali (a stock photo, not the person in question for the sake of privacy)

Today’s Life Snippet is about a US military veteran from Indiana who ended up homeless and is now traveling the world.

He is 23-years old. He was in the Air Force to work in cybersecurity and cyberwarfare but injured his feet. He struggled to pass the physical clearance to be considered “combat ready.” After the fifth attempt, he tried to force himself to run a 14-minute despite his feet already being swollen from his previous attempts. Trying to do this run caused several hundred tiny fractures in his feet, and they are still injured to this day. Walking and standing is incredibly painful for him.

The military wanted to discharge him, but he forced them to keep him for two more years. They assigned him various desk jobs because of his injury. Sometimes they intentionally gave him menial tasks to degrade him and convince him to want to leave, such as telling him to digitize a room full of paper documents. He said he spent six weeks pulling staplers out of the stacks of papers, something he found mind-numbingly boring. Eventually after two years, the military forced him out.

Because of his injury, the military will give him $2,000 a month for the rest of his life. That is not enough to live on in the US. He tried to settle in Florida and tried to find a job there but ended up cycling between awful jobs that did not work for him. Some jobs, such as a waitressing job and construction job, required too much standing for his disability. He then worked in IT, but he felt like they belittled him by acting as if he didn’t understand computers when he had two years of experience doing advanced computing with the military. They bought him a car that he was supposed to pay back in installments through deductions in his paycheck, but when he quit, he simply kept the car anyways.

Overall, he said the military was the best place he worked. He loved someone telling him what to do, finding comfort in the structure that produced. He never found this comfort or satisfaction again in any of his future employers. None of them offered the stability and sense of meaning and purpose that the military provided him.

His mom offered to have him stay with her back home in Indiana while he found a new job and got on his feet. He went back home, but soon afterwards, she kicked him out of her house, because she was getting married to a new husband. Their stated reason was that the new husband had teenage daughters, and the daughters were not safe with him around. He had no interest in these girls (who were prepubescent, the oldest being 13), finding the insulation that he would want to be involved with a bunch of minors gross and offensive.

Nonetheless, she kicked him out of the house, and he ended up homeless in Indiana. He said you needed a car to go anywhere or do anything. He spent his remaining money to buy a ticket to Thailand at the end of 2025, arriving here with no money. $2,000 a month is not enough to live in the US, but it is here in Thailand and in Southeast Asia in general it is fine, so he wants to carve out his life here.

He is enrolling in a self-paced online university to study cybersecurity. They told him they don’t accept students not in the US, but through VPNs, he pretends he is in the US. They said they didn’t want to deal with the time zone shift of someone from another part of the world, but he sees that as his problem. He can meet for classes and stuff during their time zone and deal with that himself. That’s his decision.

More broadly, he said he doesn’t connect emotionally with people, like normal people seem to. When he talks to people, he doesn’t really feel like people seem to when they connect. Many people also only have superficial conversations anyways. He doesn’t really have an effective alternative way to deal with emotions. Instead dark thoughts often roll around inside of him, particularly anxiety and depression. He has found therapy really helpful, though.

Covering for a Flight (Short Story)

Covering for a Flight (Short Story)

Putri quickly uncovered her face. The security officer needed to see her to compare with her Indonesian ID card. She rushed to cover herself back up with her niqab before anyone else could see her, but she struggled to tuck the fabric back in place. She had never really worn a niqab before and couldn’t figure out how to get it just right. Ok, done. She did a doubletake around to see whether anyone had seen her.

“That’s all,” the officer said. “Have a safe flight.”

She walked over to her gate, worried that she’d be spotted. Her family didn’t know she was taking this trip, and she wanted to keep it that way. The airport was small. Only a couple gates were necessary for the small town she lived in.

While walking to her gate, her stomach started to growl. She still had an hour before her flight, plenty of time to grab lunch. She walked up to a nearby counter to order some food and stood in line. After she told the lady what she wanted, she turned around to find a table. That’s when he spotted her.

“Hello Putri, is that you?” a voice called to her from behind her in the line.

She turned around, and there was Ismail in a casual yet professional suit jacket and button down shirt. What was he doing here?

“What are you doing here?” he asked first. “Or, I guess, I didn’t know you were going on a trip.”

“Yes sir,” she replied.

She got a better look at him when she turned around to find a seat. He looked like he was wearing nice clothes that he hadn’t tidied up yet, almost as if he was flying to a business meeting and would button his collar and apply his tie once he arrived. He smiled at her as she walked by.

He approached her table a few minutes later after he had gotten his food, “Funny thing seeing you here,” not asking if he could join her.

She said nothing. “You look nervous,” he said to keep the conversation going. “Have you never flown before?”

She nodded.

“I see. I was nervous the first time as well,” he tried to reassure, but she got the sense that he had been too young the first time he had flown for him to really remember. Being from a wealthier family in the town, he was now a business man. He was always going somewhere on some trip.

“Yes, my flight heads out soon,” she replied, hoping to use this as an excuse to leave the conversation.

“Where are you going?” he responded.

She had been so anxious she had completely forgotten where she was flying to. She got her ticket from her pocket, which read that she was flying to Bali. Too frazzled to say its name, she showed him the ticket.

“Oh, that’s a fun place,” he replied. “Today, I’m going to Manila, but I wish I was going there instead. It’s much more fun,” chuckling.

“Are you traveling alone?” he filled the resulting silence with.

What an unfair question. She had never been able to lie, so she simply nodded her head yes. He looked at her like someone eyeing a nice cake at the bakery.

“And are you meeting anyone there?”

She nodded no.

“Wow, have you traveled alone before?”

Again, she simply nodded no.

“That’s very brave of you.”

“Thank you,” she murmured politely.

Never mind that he traveled alone all the time. She leaned back in her chair as if to get away from him as much as possible. He now saw her as available.

“You know, it’s very nice to get out of this town every once in a while. It puts things into perspective. To see new possibilities.”

She eyed the clock and checked the time of her flight. She was about to say that she had to go catch her flight, but he came in too fast.

“When is your flight?”

She read him the time.

“That’s not for another hour. You don’t have to worry about it now. Being your first time, you must be a little nervous, but trust me, it’s fine. You have plenty of time.”

Ugh, why won’t he let me leave?

She looked down the terminal hallway to think about her options. How could she get away from him? She saw a sign for the toilet. That would work.

“I have to go to…” she began, but before she could mention the toilet, he came in again.

“I was talking with your mother the other day.”

She paused and sunk a little into her seat. This wouldn’t be good. She couldn’t leave whatever he was about to say unsettled. She would have to stay.

“She said you have an exciting interview coming up. That’s amazing!”

He paused, clearly anticipating something from her other than the blank stare she gave him.

“I didn’t know it was in Bali, though. I thought it was somewhere closer.”

That was the lie she told her mom about this trip: that she was heading to a nearby town for a few days for an exciting job interview. Her mom even drove her to the bus station to see her off. Instead of catching a bus, though, she took a taxi to the airport to head to Bali. When she got back, she was going to say the interview didn’t go well and that she didn’t think she’d hear back from the company. This was the only way she could think of to get away from it all. Her family would never have approved of her taking a trip alone so far away.

“Yes,” she finally spoke. “It’s in Bali.”

“I kind of wish it was somewhere closer to here. Maybe then we’d be able to see each other more…”

“I know,” she said. She couldn’t have him go blather to anyone that he saw her at the airport, but how could he convince him of that without explaining that this was all a lie?

“Are you considering moving to Bali?” he asked.

“We’ll see,” she answered. She was just going on a trip to get away from this town, but she didn’t need to tell him that. Part of her would love to move to Bali. She’s seen all the pictures, but deep down, she knows that would never happen. She’s just taking a trip. He didn’t need to know that.

“Don’t you have a nice life for yourself here?”

Absolutely not. She hated this small town, trapped in the same set of relationships with the same people, far away from any semblance of a good economy, but instead she just sat there and said nothing as he continued. He knew he had his life set here with his family business, so of course, he’d prefer if she stayed as well.

“What are your plans?”

“I don’t know yet. I am just going for a single interview. I don’t know if it will even work out.”

“I wish I had known you were going to Bali. I had friends there who you could have stayed with. What are your plans after your interview? You still could hang out with them if you’d like. They could show you around.”

“Thanks, but I won’t have time. I have a tight schedule.” She wished she could stay with someone she knew. It would have saved her a lot of money, but they would tell others. And she would definitely never stay with any of his people.

“It’s not a problem. I can text them right now…”

“No!” she shot back. He looked almost taken aback by the assertiveness in her voice that he had never seen before. “Don’t tell them!”

“Why? It’s not like your visit is a secret? Do you…”

He stopped when he saw her look of horror at this statement.

“You haven’t told anyone in town that you are going to Bali. Have you?”

She didn’t say anything but just looked at him dejected. Her secret has been found out.

“I just don’t want anyone back home to think of me differently, like someone with such an opportunity. Unless I actually do get the job.”

“That’s fair. You may have to tell them eventually, though, but I’ll keep your secret.”

He agreed to keep it under wraps. She no longer had a reason to stay in conversation with this man.

“Thank you,” she murmured. “Now if you would excuse me, I really have to use the toilet.”

She left too quickly to look at him give an excuse for her to stay. All she heard was him faintly calling back that she hoped she had a good time. She didn’t care. She was free.

Would he actually spill the beans? That was a problem for another day. She could sit in the stall until it was time to board her flight. There he could not follow.